Oh herro

This is Tharvolde. I’ve returned from my absence and am ready to kick things off. For those that are interested my absence was due to the passing of Lexi, my 5 year shepherd mix. My girlfriend and I rescued her in December of 2007 and she was very much like a child to us. She was killed by a speeding driver in our apartment complex after slipping out the front door while attempting to take our other rescue outside. So if you’re ever driving through a neighborhood or otherwise residential area, please take it slow! Children and companions are at play.

With that off my chest, I thought I’d open with a bit of off-topic humor. Yes, yes I have plenty write about with respect to Retribution and I’ll have new posts up very soon after this one. You see though, we here at RetPaladin.com receive a rather sizable helping of spam via comments. For those of you who run or have run a site with blogging and commenting capabilities you may already be accustomed to this. Now typically Megaphone and I just give a quick cursory glance through the comments awaiting moderation and mark them as spam.  This time around, however, I decided to take a stab at making something out of, well, something annoying.  I present to you, with all links and otherwise “outside” references removed:

The Absolute Best of RetPaladin.com Spam

1) nice to see your site is back up today, when your post didn’t work yesterday I was worried something terrible might’ve happenend

It’s truly nice to know so many of our fans care.  If it weren’t for dedicated site-goers such as our concerned poster here, we might be off on some other blog writing about a video game we enjoy and the particular class therein.

2) Hi, I applaud your blog for informing people, very interesting article, keep up it coming 

Why thank you, Jewelry_Magazine!  I’m glad we can be of service.  Now go get me a killer price on my girlfriend’s engagement ring…

3) Hello! eekdffd interesting eekdffd site!

Hey there, Pharmb825.  adwtweq to you as well.  fhqwhgads der sit amet doler lorem @#%^^@# ipsum.

4) Talk about lucky, I was watching the Oprah show earlier today and they were talking about a new skin cream that helps with age spots. I jumped on the web and did some searching and found they are doing a promotion. They are giving away free samples. Like usual just need to pay the shipping…Enjoy

I know exactly what you mean, Reynalda_Probst!  Why just the other morning I woke up with terrible puffiness about my eyes.  I trudged out of bed and to the vanity only to find that I was completely out of my Oil of Olay.  Damn the luck!  If it weren’t for people like you to bring us timely updates of various, mildly-useful skin care products the lot of us would be destined to a life of dry skin and cucumber melon-less lives.

5) umm… I am no

Actually, I am no too.  No so much that no one can know just how no I am.  If you were as no as me you would know what no feels like, you know?  No, you don’t know.  Because I know you could never know what no feels like.  You know this.  I know this.  Know what I mean?

6) We hold thousands of the hottest movies you’ve been waiting to protect! And they’re stylish nearby in Hi-Def!  These movies are playable on most viewing devices including iPod, PDA (HandHelds), PC, DVD & DivX players.  There are categorically no limits. Download as much as you penury with incredibly high speeds. No additional software is required!  Simply click on a link, download a movie and guard it on your favorite player.  (Abridged Version)

Well Snapeplug, you’ve really hit the proverbial nail right on the head here.  I recently purchased a time-lock safe just for the purposes of protecting my DVD collection.  Whenever I’m feeling like a movie night I simply open the trap door at the back of my apartment and descend into the underground storage compartment.  While there, I set the lock to open.  It takes only a half hour to complete the opening process (it’s one of those safes that gas stations use) which is plenty of time to hop back on WoW and get sucked into 2v2 matches with someone who doesn’t know what #%^! “switch” means – at which point I log off in disgust and am no longer in the mood to watch Gladiator for the seventy-third time.

7) Да уж, это конечно же нелегко. 

I have no idea what the hell this means but I’m going to assume it’s the same as #2 but in Russian.

8) Rampage’s powerbomb slam

This one actually caught my interest – not because I gave a @#%! about what this dude was saying but rather because I know exactly what “Rampage’s powerbomb slam” is.  For those that are MMA fans, you probably do as well.  If you don’t, and are interested in seeing one of the crazier moments in MMA history I would check out the follow video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwKpzKZOpe4 (If MMA isn’t your thing or if you’re against any form of combat then just take my word for it that the video referred to by the link is @#!%ing awesome.  Then again, if you’re against any form of combat I suggest you give me all your character’s stuff and close your account).

That’s all for this time, folks!  I hope you’ve enjoyed The Absolute Best of RetPaladin.com Spam.